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My Testimony
Jesus came into my life and saved me when I was 28 years old. I was in total despair, but he took me out of darkness into the light. I was overburdened, but he lifted up the burden of all the sins from my shoulder. He took away all the curses and blessed me. For the past 27 years, he always walked with me and showed me amazing things that I had never dreamt of before.
When I met Jesus, I was writing PhD dissertation at SUNY Buffalo. But I had such a severe pain on my shoulder that I couldn’t write a word. When I tried to read anything, I felt severe pain on my shoulder. The pain was constant, and went away for a while when I swam, exercised, danced, or having fun with friends, but was extremely aggravated whenever I tried to write my dissertation. And the pain was aggravated when I saw my boyfriend.
It was because of the sin in my life. I had a wrong idea that I had to be honest to my feelings and follow my heart, like young people often do. I had a boyfriend of 2 years, but left him for another guy. Soon I was torn between the two and got totally confused. Then I became very suspicious of my new boyfriend, and started acting strange, like throwing things at him during fight. Things were getting out of control. I couldn’t understand who I was, why I was feeling the way I felt, and why I was behaving so strange. Every morning I got up with anxiety and worries. I felt I was falling into a bottomless pit, a black hole so to speak.
Believe me, I tried everything to ease the pain on my shoulder. And one day I wrote in my diary:
“I am exhausted. I cannot carry on. My life is getting out of control. Should I try believing in God?” I grew up in a Buddhist family, and nobody around me was a Christian, and nobody ever witnessed to me about Jesus then. I and my friends would ridicule Christians, making fun of their funny humble ways. We thought they were nuts to watch out for.
My father was a business man, totally immersed in a secular world. My mother was after all kinds of religions, including fortunetellers, but her passion was basically to go to a Buddhist temple every month to set free some turtles and fish to be blessed by Buddha. I attended a Buddhist youth club in high school and went to see fortune tellers as my mother did. But somehow, Buddha would never come to help me in my difficult times.
And the next day after the word God popped out of my diary, a girl named Nansoo dropped by my office. After some talk, she said, “There is a bible study group by new Korean students. They are mostly married couples. Do you want to join?” Normally I would have refused it, but I was too desperate, and was thinking of trying God anyway. So I went to the Bible Study. I had so many questions about holy spirits and devils and all those stories sounding like myths. But they were all very patient. I was so lonely being a foreign student, so I missed the meeting because people were friendly to me.
And after three months, I suddenly woke up at 5am, which I never did before. Suddenly I could understand what sin was, and saw how sinful I had been. I used to say, “I am a nice person, I never hurt anyone on purpose.” But I suddenly realized that I was a sinner, so self-centered and cruel. It's like when light shines through, you can see dust and spider webs around that you couldn't see in darkness.
It was a Good Friday around 8pm. I was driving on the street of Buffalo, New York, and saw a small Korean church. The door was open. I walked into the church. It was getting dark and there was nobody. I sat on a chair and started praying. “Dear God, I lost control of my life. I don’t know where I am going. I need your help. Please come into my life and take control. I accept Jesus as my savior.” And I started repenting of all the sins I committed. I felt some light was brightening up the room. The church smelt so sweet. Joy started swelling up from deep in my heart. I knew Jesus touched me and I was saved.
“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (II Corinthians 5: 17) I was changed. Love was flowing out of my heart, and I was smiling at people. People smiled back to me. All my troubles with my boyfriend were solved just like that. He would let me go. I was released from the shackles of sins. I could leave my boy friend, and all the insane suspicions that had kept me captive. The pain on my shoulder just disappeared. Every morning I read the bible, prayed, and started writing my dissertation. Although I had been unable to write anything for one year, I wrote everything in two months, just like somebody was reading it for me. I was saved!
Looking back at the past 27 years, I marvel at God’s grace. All my dreams came true, and he is giving me new dreams and visions. He sent me the best husband ever, and two beautiful sons, who have been great sources of joy. I wanted to study theology, and God made me get MDiv and ThM and even become an associate pastor. I lived in the most beautiful houses in the U.S. that God allowed us. I was able to provide my sons with the best education I could. I am a CEO of my own business that is solidly growing. Yes, there were tough times and challenges, but God made me grow stronger through them all.
God has given me three dreams – the first is to grow my school into a prestigious international school, and to turn my company into a billion dollar company, to build 100 churches in Asia. The second is to be a Minister and Prime Minister to glorify God’s name, because that's what I studied all my life, Politics. God gave me this vision in 1989, and although it seems impossible now as I have been staying in America unintended for 13 years, I believe he will achieve his plan if he wills for His glory. The third is to be a pastor, travel all over the world and prophesy, heal the sick, and witness Jesus. I know I am being too ambitious, and I should focus on one vision, especially in the light of my age. If I can choose, I want to praise, worship, and witness Jesus all of my life and money and fame wouldn't mean anything unless it is for His glory. Everyday my heart beats, looking forward to the gifts of life that my Father brings to me like in a chocolate box. He is good and He loves you, too.
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